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Old 13-05-2008, 03:25 PM   #1606
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Or the man who tries to smuggle chilli seeds across the border by stuffing them down the eye of his penis.
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Old 15-05-2008, 11:28 PM   #1607
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an butthole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'butthole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an butthole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ******* calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an butthole!' and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first butthole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW butthole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is..'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an butthole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two butthole to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called butthole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an butthole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'butthole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, butthole,' and hung up.

Then I called butthole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, butthole.'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your butt,'
I answered, 'Well, butthole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fair fax , and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax I got there just in time to watch two butthole beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
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Old 16-05-2008, 12:27 AM   #1608
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big toe. is that a true story. thats hilarious. you're a natty natty boy.
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Old 16-05-2008, 12:35 AM   #1609
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I think i've seen it somewhere else too
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Old 16-05-2008, 08:47 AM   #1610
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BiG ToE-3DT View Post
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an butthole!'
Hahahahaha, 'You're an butthole!'

Was that deliberate? Coz it's funny.
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Old 16-05-2008, 10:04 AM   #1611
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Awesome! I want more like this, BiG ToE. You get 5 stars.
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Old 18-05-2008, 04:19 AM   #1612
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I was talking with a cousin and after a while, she mentioned that her wrist hurt.
I asked why and she answered back:
"I think I've been playing too much with my boyfriends wii thingy" and at the same time, she was doing a hand gesture and moving her arm up and down (like playing a wii......but not).

True story

Last edited by noyb; 18-05-2008 at 04:22 AM..
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Old 18-05-2008, 09:18 AM   #1613
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I only have a wii thingy

But I'm told it's not the size of the boat...
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Old 18-05-2008, 11:09 AM   #1614
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...but the motion of the ocean
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Old 19-05-2008, 08:02 AM   #1615
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What this forum REALLY needs, is a giant billboard that says 'No Fat Chicks'.
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Old 19-05-2008, 08:25 AM   #1616
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i like fat chicks
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Old 19-05-2008, 02:00 PM   #1617
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big toe. is that a true story. thats hilarious. you're a natty natty boy.
of course it is not a true story you goof....but it's an amazing idea anyways
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omfg ps3 is teh w1n

Yeah. It says in the Bible to only judge an opinion by its production value.
I'm shutting it down. Like some kinda...thread stopping ninja.

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Old 19-05-2008, 02:57 PM   #1618
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Jockey Head.
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Old 20-05-2008, 12:32 AM   #1619
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I was at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So I stand up to leave and falls flat on my face. I figure I’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober me up.

Once outside I stand up and fall flat on my face. So I crawl home and at the door, stand up and fall flat on my face. I crawl through the door and up the stairs.

When I reache my bed I try one more time to stand up. This time I fall right into bed and go to sleep.

I wake up the next morning to my wife standing over me shouting. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!”

“How did you know?” I ask.

“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
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Old 20-05-2008, 05:11 PM   #1620
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lol



and now for something completely different



droooooooooooooool =P~~~~

edit: i hope they're not guys lol
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